Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Don't Give Up

I just feel like there's a lot of people out there going through a hard time. Maybe it's because I have always been going through a hard time (lol) or perhaps it's because I have seen so many people struggling lately.

I want you to know that you are not alone. You are heard. At this very moment I pray for peace for you, the type of peace that passes all understanding. For love you can trust and a heart that is open but not exposed to every hurtful thing that happens to it.

May you find the freedom to do right and the freedom to be who you really are, not bound and fettered by the past and the boldness to face those lies that just won't go away.

May you know the beauty and the upside-down concept that is forgiveness and the inutterable joy of letting go. Not giving in, or giving up, just handing it over to the God who is bigger than all of it and who is Justice itself.

You ARE loved - this I do know.


Annie x

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Freedom - Is It Worth the Risk?

'And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'  Anais Nin




Freedom is precious, freedom is beautiful. But it comes at a cost. Being free means owning our story, getting the help we need to unshackle ourselves from our fears and our pain, and sometimes, it means changing the course of our lives to obtain this invaluable rarity.

 I have been scared as long as I remember. Scared of spiders, scared of dying, scared of what people think of me. My choice basically boiled down to two options: Stay in the pain and fear but hold onto the security of not looking too deeply into those things, or face the terror of finding out why I had those fears and do what I needed to do be free of them. I chose the latter.

 In a nutshell, this has involved 3 years of regular counselling, 6 months of trauma counselling and a LOT of tears and anger. I am still a work in progress. But I have to tell you - once you get a taste of freedom, you never want to go back.

 There are moments now where I feel true enjoyment, true love and true assurance. I love Brene Brown's quote: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 

If you stay in fear, I understand. If you choose freedom then I salute you!

 Annie x

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Invisible Illness Week



Something I wrote for Invisible Illness Week. Hope it reaches out to you somehow:

I was asked to write something for Invisible Illness Week. Thought I'd share, for all those suffering invisibly x

Here goes: I was 17 and full of life. After overcoming a life of bullying and put-downs, my peers elected me to be their Head Girl.

The students who used to thumb their nose at me and look at me like I was dirt were inviting me to parties and saying that I was an interesting and cool person. I didn't buy into it, but I was pleased to finally have enough confidence to stand in front of 1200 girls most mornings at assemblies and talk. I tried to use my 'power' to help the little guy, the bullied people and to get my sister out of class and to the sick bay when she was really sick and her teacher wouldn't let her go.

I attended the Youth Parliament in Wellington and gave a speech over live radio in the debating chamber. I was convinced I could make a difference as a politician, if not Prime Minister. Big things were ahead.
But I was tired, very tired.

One day, not long after finishing school for good, I came down with a terrible virus. I sweated, shook and felt like I was dying.

And I never recovered.

After that day, I was a changed girl. I forced myself to go to university although I honestly do not know how I survived. I would sleep for four hours at night and feel like I was literally dying every moment of the day. I felt my energy drain away from me until I was like an empty gas pump that people were still trying to fill up from. I developed severe depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia and a host of other physical ailments like constant sore throats, dizziness, nausea, tremors, weakness and debilitating fatigue. Eventually, after 3 years, I was diagnosed with chronic Fatigue Syndrome, depression and anxiety, and Glandular Fever. After dragging myself through a languages degree and a teaching diploma I was skin and bone and barely able to leave my bed.

This eventually led to taking a truckload of medication which in turn caused a 70kg weight gain over 10 years. It also led to years of being almost bed-ridden, up to 7 seizures a day and the most crippling mental illnesses I had ever encountered. My life was hell. One of the worst things was that very few people ever saw how sick I really was.

When I went out, I put on a smiling face. It's my natural personality, not a mask. I love people and respond to them. To them my sickness could NOT be real because I did not look sick or act sick. I had several Christian friends tell me I needed to get my ass out of bed and down to church early on a Sunday morning to be healed and connect with God. I felt like crying out 'why don't you come and be God to me, come and visit me, come and pray for me, instead of judging me?'. My relationship with God was closer than ever. I had hours to pray and to hang out with him but still people felt I needed to show up and be seen.

I thank God for a wonderful husband and an understanding family, and those few precious friends who accepted me no matter what.
I am a lot better but I still have a long way to go. I still sleep for 10-12 hours a day and I don't keep conventional hours. I work part-time when I feel able to, and love visiting friends and meeting with them when I have the energy. When I have the energy, you'll see me. I'm the reasonably normal looking person. When I don't, you won't. You wouldn't recognise me.

Thank you for reading this and helping me feel not so invisible any more.

When you are weak, then He is strong.

Anna x

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Mystery on the Nile - My Take on Spring 2013

Mystery on the Nile

Mystery on the Nile by annieblackberryjewellery featuring jessica kagan cushman


Strong bold oranges, tempered only by the hazy glow of the sun setting on the Nile and killer-matched with the deepest blue of Midnight.
 
Pen your Whodunit then get dolled up for the Murder Mystery Soiree on-board your 1937 Steamboat.
 
I know Whodunit - a little birdie whispered it in my ear.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

So much has changed!!


Hi Dear Friends,

How are you?!

Wow, what a year! So much has changed here at Annie Blackberry.  We pulled out of most stores (including the chain stores) and have been working on making a very people-centered hub on Facebook. (Please check out www.facebook.com/annieblackberry ).

I have met so many amazing people and had such a fun time interacting with our fans, having sales and doing a deal-of-the-day.

I am a  lot better health-wise which has given me a renewed passion for what I'm doing - making jewellery!

Here are some of the things I've been making:


Antique NZ Linotype Font Pendants - $50


Extremely popular silvertone Feather Earrings - $15


Hand-brushed vintage NZ Tui Halfpenny Pendant - $40


 'Honeycomb' pendant hand-assembled with vintage cells - $45



Blue carved resin heart - $40


I hope you enjoy them and if you're interested in any of them, please just flick me an email on annie@anniebalckberry.com

Thanks and peace,


Annie :)